There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
