Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
