I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
