you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
