I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
