Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my liver is dry heaving
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
