Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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