dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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