i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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