Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
