he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize