I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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