shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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