I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
