he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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