Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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