Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
