Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
