It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
