I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
