i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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