It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
