So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
