I swear she didn't look like that last week.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
