the condom got lost in my hair
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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