Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
