is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
