DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
