You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
