i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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