We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
