Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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