okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
