we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
