Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
