I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
