so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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