Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
