Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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