"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
