You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
