i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
