naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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