i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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