Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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