Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize