I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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