so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
