i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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