Why are handjobs necessary in class?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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