She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
