im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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