Whod you bang
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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