And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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