My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize