He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
