I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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