I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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