he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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