great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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