Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
