Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
