I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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