Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
