I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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