Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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