Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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