you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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