I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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