a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
