Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
