it hurts more in the daytime
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
