dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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