I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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