i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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