I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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