im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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