garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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