You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
